Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
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