god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I'm like, not good at living.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
