I want to have your abortion
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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