from now on my penis is your penis
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
