WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
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