This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
