Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Randomize
