Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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