two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
