So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
