Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
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We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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