I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
