i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
