Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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