I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
