my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
dude. I can hear the air.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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