Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
