She said her name was "party"
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
This beer is not sobering me up at all
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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