quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
My penis needs a shock collar
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
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