Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
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