Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
