My friends, they love my intelligence
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
