I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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