I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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