And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
