I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
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