I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
My penis needs a shock collar
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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