oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
