So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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