I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize