Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
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