sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
