i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
