i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
