May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
