i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
he just fucked me for my cheese.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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