Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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