It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
