Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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