i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
