Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
