so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
