question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
