You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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