its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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