You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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