There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
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