ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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