just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
