We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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