We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize