Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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