He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
