he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
