Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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