Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
