I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
