So drunk its hurt
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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