just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
