Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
