i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
