I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
You ate ashes out of my bong
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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