that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
