you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
