I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
