no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
it's great music for shaving your balls
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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