my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
