then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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