you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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