My cat gives me a boner
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
