She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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